Wishful Drinking & Spiked Sweet Tea

"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on."

- Bob Newhart

Recommended tea: Spiked Sweet Tea

Sometimes at the bookstore, customers can get a little upset. Sometimes it's because we don't have the book that they want, or because we haven't heard of something that they consider an essential piece of literature. Most of the time, though, it's because of something else - their husband snapped at them on the phone before they walked in, their mother is in the hospital. Usually they're already upset when they walk in the door, and we just happen to be in their line of fire. 

One day, I was up at the registers and a very pregnant woman walked up with her two other children. One was a toddler, and the other was probably seven or eight. Now, for no reason that I've been able to understand, we have these very wobbly pedestals in front of the registers that are usually piled high with very heavy books. Attached to these pedestals are velvet ropes, which to children, look like swings. But what happens when a child puts any weight on one of these "swings"? Both pedestals will fall on top of them, along with all of the books on top of them. We do our best to keep this from happening.

Imagine my horror, then, when this particular customer's seven year old was holding the toddler up in the air, hopping over the velvet rope on one foot as if it were a jump rope. 

Immediately I said, in my Kindergarten teacher voice, "oooooOOOOOOH! Be careful!"

To which, the very pregnant woman replied, screaming in my face, "YOU KNOW WHAT!? WE'RE DOING THE BEST WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!!"

She then stated that she would never shop in our store again, and left all of her merchandise on the counter.

I would like to say that I laughed this off. My reaction, of course - being the strong, independent, Stevie Nicks-esque woman that I am - was to cry. I tried to stifle the tears, of course, but that only made them all the more determined to come streaming down my face. While sobbing, I continued to ring up the customers. 

"Did you-hoo-hoo f-f-find eve-eve-everything oka-a-a-ay?"

And what do you know? Those customers came to my rescue. 

"What I want to know, honey, is are you okay?"

"Well, obviously, she's not doing the best that she can!"

"My goodness - she needs a vacation."

One customer came around the counter and held my hand. "Honey," she said, "I've been pregnant twice before. Don't you worry! It's not you. It's the hormones. I would cry too if I were you! Just let it out!"

Later, one of my co-workers - let's call her best friend co-worker - was on the phone with a customer.

"WELL, I wanted to get this book, but you, of course, said it was on (dun-dun-dun) BACKORDER! Tell me, please, do any of you know what you are doing? I would like to speak to a manager."

To which, best friend co-worker replied, "Ma'am, I am a manager."

Crazy customer then said, "PFUH! I HIIIIGHLY doubt that!" and hung up.

And you know what best friend co-worker did? She laughed, being the strong, independent, Stevie Nicks-esque woman that she is. I know that my reaction would inevitably have been tears. 

This is when I realized - it takes more strength to laugh than it does to cry when faced with these situations. My reaction to problems has always been to look them in the face, sternly, seriously, and try my best not to let them break me. If they do break me, I usually cry. I usually cry even if they don't break me, to tell you the truth. 

But what would my life have been like if I had laughed instead? How many warriors among us are hiding their battle scars with clown noses? Do you really think it takes more strength, more sacrifice, to wallow in victimhood than it does to climb the victim mountain, stand on top, and move on with your life?

Carrie Fisher is most definitely a mountain climber. When I have looked at Carrie Fisher in the past, I have always seen her as someone that didn't take herself too seriously, but had a pretty privileged, easy life. 

HOO-DOGGY! I was way off. Ms Fisher has not only dealt with alcoholism and addiction (which she argues are the exact same thing), but divorce, death (her friend died next to her in her bed), Bipolar Disorder ("I'm a Pez Dispenser AND my picture is in the Abnormal Psychology textbook!" she says), and - oh yeah! - her dad, Eddie Fisher, leaving her mom, Debbie Reynolds, for Elizabeth Taylor. The kind of stuff we all have to deal with...right?

But in spite of all of this hardship, Carrie Fisher is able to look at it and smile, to laugh, to share these hardships with us wrapped up in a nice little chuckle package. It makes us as readers feel stronger, like we can get through anything. If she can survive, laugh, have a good attitude, and create something brilliant with these horrors... can't we? 

She says, "If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true - and that is unacceptable." 

Life of course hands you the bad, but the warriors - they take the bad and they turn it into something good, inspiring, something that can lighten someone else's load - something I like to call "art." In my opinion, this is the single most selfless act in humanity - to wipe off the tears, and bravely put on the clown nose or pick up the paintbrush or pick up the pen. What is art if not the ability to reach out to other humans and say "Hey! Look at this! I'm human, too, and we're human together!"


Ms Fisher has now officially been added to my "strong women I aspire to be/be like" list. And you know I want one of those knit Princess Leia hats. 

Hey! Look at this!

• Knit your own Leia hat
• Buy your own Leia hat

I TOLD you it was real

I found this when I was cleaning out my childhood room -

No, your eyes do not deceive you! That says,

 "To: Amanda 

Love, Dolly Parton"

I hate to say I told you so... actually, I don't. I told you so. 

And I bet Dolly would've told you so, too, if she'd had the opportunity.

I have to find a place to hang it that the dreamy husband will approve of 

(What's wrong with over the bed, hubby? Seriously...)

Now I've just got to work on the other (living) members of my "Strong women I want to be/be like" list.

(Stevie Nicks, I'm lookin' at you)

Julie & Julia & Butter Tea

"If I was going to follow Julia down this rabbit hole, I was going to enjoy it, by God - exhaustion, crustacean murder, and all. Because not everybody gets a rabbit hole. I was one lucky bastard, when you came down to it."

- Julie Powell, Julie & Julia

Recommended Tea: Tibetan Butter Tea

Recently a friend and I had a discussion about our careers.

"I'm so tired of working at a job that I don't care about! Well, I care about it, and it's a great job, but I'm so tired of not being able to do what I love," friend said.

"Well," said I, "maybe you would feel a little better about your job if you did some more stuff on the side that you really DID care about. Like, if I only worked at my job during the day and didn't do anything else, I would lose my mind. Which is why I act on the side. And blog. And volunteer. And act some more. And direct sometimes. And teach sometimes. And sometimes dress up as storybook characters and read to kids. And read. And garden. And write plays."

This is what my life has always been like. Student/bookseller/filer by day, devious actor/volunteer/playwright/director/gardener by night. This has been what has saved my soul and kept it in its little birdhouse. Since I was twelve I have always gone a billion miles a minute, have always done ten things at once. And I intend to keep it that way.

But there's something about working that post-college job that really, really depresses you. Sure, there may exist (in some alternate universe) a collection of people who were able to go right into the job that they always dreamed of. If those people exist, I have never met them. More power to them.

For the rest of us, there's that doomed phrase - "make a living." I touched on this a bit in my blog entry for Into the Wild. After college, after spending four idealistic years studying what you love so that you can do what you love for the rest of your life, you forget about all of the steps that it takes to get to the place where you CAN actually do what you love instead of doing it in your spare time.

This is especially true for the artists among us (and I proudly, maybe a little naively, throw myself into this category). There is no road map, no route to get to your dreams. But there is a light bill. And rent. And food. These are clear, touchable things that you can wrap your head around. Survival means eating and shelter. Eating and shelter mean money. Art and money, at least at first, do not...well... "mesh well."

So you apply at the restaurant or the clothing store or the (cough cough) bookstore. You think "I'll only be here for a little while - just until I can get started. Then it's DREAMTIME!"

Months or even years later, you're still there. And you're still not in dreamville. And the longer you stay OUT of dreamville, the harder it is to find your way back to your route. I am convinced that this is why the world doesn't have as many artists as it should - the artists get trapped in a cubicle and get so comfortable (or scared) that they never want to leave.

But for those of us with one foot in retail and one foot in the arts, there's an overwhelming need to create. To do something that matters. To do ANYTHING that isn't paperwork or folding or (cough cough cough) shelving.

This is what Julie & Julia is about - finding that thing that pulls your soul out of the deep, dark, "make a living" hole and puts it somewhere inspired. Whether that route is cooking your way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking or singing karaoke at Twin Kegs on a Saturday night, the creative have GOT to find ways to create, ways to stay connected to the muse, no matter what they may be.

And what better place to find inspiration than Mrs. Julia Child? Julia Child, in my humble opinion, should be right there on the "great, strong women" shelf next to Eleanor Roosevelt and Katharine Hepburn. She was able to find that thing that she loved more than anything, even though it took her 40 years to find it, and seek it with all of her heart while staying poised and positive. And when she found that thing, she threw herself into it heart and soul.

Julie Powell is similarly worthy of admiration. Not only because she threw herself into this extremely daunting project heart and soul, but because she was able to bring inspiration into her world, grab Julia's hand, and pull herself out of the cubicle ocean.

I also completely adore the idea of following in the path of a (my favorite phrase) "strong woman" in order to learn how to blaze your own. For Julie, that trailblazer was Julia. For me, there have been maybe a billion - Dolly Parton, Stevie Nicks, Audrey Hepburn, Katharine Hepburn, Jo March, Elizabeth Bennet, Sarah Bernhardt, and, the one nearest and dearest to my heart nowadays, Virginia Woolf.

One of the things that I love most about being a woman is the feeling that these women (be they fictional or real) are my sisters, my friends, my family members. That they sit on my shoulders like little angels, whispering their words of wisdom, completely ready and willing to help me drag myself out of that ocean of comfortable mediocrity and into the universe of my dreams.

Jo tells me to cut off all of my hair.

Elizabeth encourages me to speak my mind.

Dolly whispers, "If you don't like the road you're walking pave another one."

Stevie screams, "ROCK ON, Gold Dust Woman!"

Katharine shouts, "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."

Virginia gingerly places her hand on my shoulder and says, "They say that one must beat one's wings against the storm in the belief that beyond this welter the sun shines; the sun falls sheer into pools that are fledged with willows."

And what have they all told me to do in unison? What did Julia tell Julie to do?

JUMP!

Jump into life! Jump into your dreams! Stop wasting your time, energy, and talent. Take a risk. Find a way to make your life about what is really important to you instead of about earning a pay check. Build a little birdhouse in your soul. Show the world that you are a force to be reckoned with instead of trying to play by the world's rules.

And that is exactly what I am going to do.

Hey! Look At This!

• The Julie/Julia Project
• Visit Julia Child's Kitchen!

Julia Child shows you how to make an omelette